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[Wednesday
July 22nd, 2009] |
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mood |
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knock you down |
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I'm in that emotional wreck stage where I start to open myself up to someone and become vulnerable. I swore to myself seven months ago in December I wouldn't do this before I went off to college and became attached. I know I can't help how I feel but I don't want to set myself up for heartbreak or worse, be the heartbreaker. When I started thinking about college in high school all I thought about was how awesome it was going to be to party all the time with no adult supervision. But since orientation I have nonstop thought about my classes and if I will succeed. How will things turn out? There are some things I wish I just knew. Like what people are thinking. It's so hard with some people. Others, I can just tell. I'm looking around my room and wondering what all i'm brining to college with me and how it will be set up in my apartment. And now i'm looking at an ad on the side of the screen for the Art Institute of Pittsburgh, pretty much my dream school. Where will I be headed to this time next year? I'm such a scatterbrain, I know.
Maybe it's like the song says- we were never meant to be baby, we just happened
Some of my beliefs have changed, but I need to never forget that everything happens for a reason.
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[Monday
March 2nd, 2009] |
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Maybe what I think makes me happy... doesn't make me happy. I DON'T KNOW.
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[Sunday
February 15th, 2009] |
um, im happy :)
I think thats all you need to know.
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[Sunday
October 5th, 2008] |
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i love how one night of being together brings us so much closer to eachother. no matter how much time we spend apart or how much we might have grown away from eachother we will always be bonded. i love the idea abbys mom gave us, we need a plan to stay in touch as we get older, and never fly to far from where we belong. which is with the people we love and grew up with. i love you girls<3
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[Sunday
September 28th, 2008] |
wow fuck you senior year get out of here.
im looking at the photography program at marshall right now.
im so excited for the future and to leave nitro high and all its memories behind.
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[Tuesday
June 10th, 2008] |
HOLY FUCKING SUMMER!
:D
italy in THREE days!
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[Sunday
May 4th, 2008] |
its like I can't deal with stress correctly.
I let it bottle up and ignore it.
until something big comes along and the bottle falls over and breaks open.
then comes panic attacks.
I can't do anything right.
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[Sunday
May 4th, 2008] |
things are just really hard.
i dont know what to do.
im terrible at making decisions.
i need to talk to someone, but how can i when they are what i need to talk about?
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[Wednesday
April 30th, 2008] |
I GOT A 22!
which means....
MARSHALL! for sure.
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[Sunday
April 13th, 2008] |
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my house is empty.
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[Friday
April 11th, 2008] |
im stressed out to no end.
I have worked my ass off this entire year and of course its like my mom doesnt even give a shit about it.
fuck her, im proud of myself. i could just go out and become a crack addict but am i? no.
its like she gets all pissed whenever i want to go out and have fun. my dad understand but my mom just sucks.
i wouldnt have even been able to go to see lil wayne if my mom had her way. thank God i have a dad whos pretty awesome.
my dad is so worried about me, i can hear it in his voice.
i was fighting on the phone the other day and he straight up was like "is someone threatning you?" and im like no dad calm down.
its like with him, he actually worries about me. he cares about what im feeling. with my mom she doesnt care about what i think. she stresses me out so much with school and the ACT like thats all that should be important in my life. i dont know how to explain it.
the ACT is going to suck. for the second time. i got a shitty score last time and i wouldnt doubt im going to get another one.
im horrible at taking tests. thats all there is to it.
yesterday i got a sweet speeding ticket right before school because i was late. you know that part on 40th street where it goes from like 150 to 25 out of nowhere? right there. i mean i was only going a 34 in a 25 and thats not bad but still, it bugs me that i got a ticket. the cop was really nice about it too. like he was all "dont cry its not that bad! have a nice day!"
so i called my dad crying like "i got a ticket!!" and he was so cool about it. he just said "calm down, pull yourself together and we will deal with it. its okay." so that made me feel 93282 times better. i still dont know what my mom thinks about it. i havent seen her in the past 24 hours.
ive been sleeping constantly. for the past two days ive went to sleep around five and woken up the next day at five.
i dont know what my problem is. i suck.
+ im moving out of my house of 14 years. thats really getting to me now. i have no furniture in my living room. it freaks me out.
ugh, im just so stressed out.
moooom is home. later
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[Sunday
March 30th, 2008] |
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for some reason, i dont think april is going to be a good month.
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[Thursday
March 13th, 2008] |
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and it just got better :D
this weekend will rule, too.
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[Thursday
March 6th, 2008] |
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holy hell, i love my life
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[Wednesday
February 6th, 2008] |
i got a 4.0
i cant even tell you how good that makes me feel.
this semester is going to be harder than i thought it would be.
history is so much busy work and i think its dumb.
human anatomy, im not even going to start on that. but im pretty sure having over a 100 vocab words a week is ridiculous. im not so sure about that class..i mean its a really fun class but its sooo hard.
creative writing..uh, i thought it would be something way different. i mean i guess its fun sometimes, but im just not that good at impusle writing and creating stuff in a short amount of time.
sowards- lmao. i dont even think you can call this a class. we have done like two simple things. for the past two days we have done absolutely nothing. i actually think this class is useful because i get all of my history homework done and whatever else needs done so i have time at home to study anatomy.
i believe i can do it though. i always find a way.
relationships are complicated right now.
i just wish things would work out the way i need them too.
thats all i worry about.
i hate losing people. and i hate losing someone more than once.
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[Sunday
January 27th, 2008] |
why is it that all i can think about is college?
i have no idea how i will be able to get through senior year.
i cant even stand waiting for junior year to be over.
i have to admit, this has been my best year yet..and im sure senior year will be even better.
but i talked to sarah and she said all she did during senior year was worry about getting into college.
i dont want to have to worry about that, i just want it to be easy. but i know it wont be.
i took the ACT once and it was horrible, ive never been so bored/tired/ physically in pain..ever. my neck/hands/back cramped bad haha.
and my dad wants me to take it at least two more times to "get the highest score i possibly can"
ugh, i just want to skip all that and move on.
i want to go out and have fun and not have to worry about cerfew or who im with or where i am.
i want to have an apartment with my sister and have her there all the time.
i want to cheer on the sucky football team at games, i love school spirit.
i want to study my ass off and take my classes seriously for once.
i dont even know what my major will be..but im minoring in photography.
i just want it all, and i know its bad to wish away your childhood..but im getting sick of waiting to grow up and have my freedom.
well, i guess i dont have any choice..
& dont let livejournal dieeee. i want to know what everyone is up to and what they are thinking because we never ALL get together anymore. we have seem to all broken up into smaller groups, and i wont tolerate it.
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[Tuesday
January 1st, 2008] |
well, its that time again.
2007 was the best year of my life.
i wouldnt change a thing.
i will miss it more than anything.
happy 2008 :]
hope its a good one.
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[Sunday
December 16th, 2007] |
december 16th. one year ago today. hmm.
but this weekend has been one of the best in my life.
friday i hung out with devon. we did everything you would think we would do.
jageeeeer ;] haha @ getting stuck in mud at pipeline. and almost getting kicked out of tudors.
saturday was the absolute best.
the show was amazing. it was sad without eric though =[
& my own afterparty ruled.
now, im going to the mall with ciara.
i hope today doesnt suck. or this will forever be marked as one of the worst days of my life.
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[Saturday
December 8th, 2007] |
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i update a lot lately. sk
well, i guess i just dont know what to say. my feelings change every other day. kayce and i think i have bipolar disorder. today is not a good day really. i guess its because formal is tonight. awesome memories. mmmmmm.
im watching a britney spears music video. the "oops i did it again" one. its makes me sad thinking about how much her life has turned into a downward spiral. lol i have no idea what this has to do with anything but i just feel like typing it out.
school is gay. im doing awesome this year but im getting sick of it.
as for everything else..that sucks too.
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